I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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