Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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