I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
