No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
