oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
