Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I love having hate sex.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
