I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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