Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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