I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
