Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
