Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
