He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
