My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
