Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
