Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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