so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
