On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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