I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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