Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
