omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
