mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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