FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
