Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
