Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
