His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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