i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think I sprained my soul last night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
