Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
