I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
