don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
