Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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