K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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