she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
