I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
