You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
its liver damage thursday
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
