she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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