Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
