New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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