i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
