Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
