I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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