yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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