She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
