I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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