I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
