I'd wear matching sweaters with you
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
