cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
