Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
