i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
