I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
