dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He better not be in your backpack
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
