Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
