Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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