I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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