i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
