He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
