Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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