I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
