I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's always time for handjobs
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
