im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize
