Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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