I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
