I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
