Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
