I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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