So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
