...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
