oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
