Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
