i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
