is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
