his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
